running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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