I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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