is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize