they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
