I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
