my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Life is so much better after having sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How's work?
Spinning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
