I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
