i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
