One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
