I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
