so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
