Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
