I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
