I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will be naked everywhere
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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