Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
