He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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