if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
