Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
