He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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