Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
