in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
