Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
