I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
