you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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