R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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