Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
