god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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