The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
