my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
