He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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