your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
