Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
id be glad to
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we're making bets on your personal life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
