Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
