You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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