In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
40s are totally the cure
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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