So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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