DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
