this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
