i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
