Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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