Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
