this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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