I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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