so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
