Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
NoShamevember. You game?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
