He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
