instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
