Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
