You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
