You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
