he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
