why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
