At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
