i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize