M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
