so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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