first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
