Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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