The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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