so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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